It’s windy outside. The gusts of cool air swoop in and lift the crisp remnants of summer, and I watch, transfixed upon the Autumnal dance once more.
It’s then that I realise, the graceful swirling hues of rust and gold mark the end of one era, and the beginning of another, both in nature, and in my own life.
Most of us stand with one foot in the past, and another nervously inching towards the future. By that, I mean, the direction we desire more than anything to move in.
Evidently, life itself is a journey as they say, but what happens if the journey doesn’t envelop as we planned? Often our dreams, plans, relationships and goals softly unravel like that one runaway thread begging for freedom.
Is that what it is? A pursuit of growth, change and freedom, gifted to us by a force bigger than us? Yes, it is.
So, here I stand in the midst of the dance, caught up in the whirlwind as I look back and feel centuries away from where I was only a year ago. Is it possible to feel you’ve learnt nothing, and everything at once? For I resonate with this sentiment so deeply.
I mean, as a reader, you’re probably thinking – where the heck have you been? Good question. I’ve gone from crafting three posts a week to suddenly being MIA on every online platform and as much as I hated my absence, it felt necessary.
Extreme career developments, a breakup, poor eating habits, and weeks of working myself into the ground (literally to the point of no sleep for days on end) took their toll on me. If I’ve learnt one thing in the last 4-5 months, it’s that change arrives at the most unexpected, and often most unwelcome of times.
Forgive my rambling, for I want to be honest with you. Equally, I really want to apologise for my lack of replies, lack of content and lack of ‘me’.
As readers, and friends, you know I’m very much the sort of person that dives in, head first into the abyss of the unknown. So when God very much shifted the course of my life, I took some time to just let it sink in. Yes – perhaps that sounds dramatic, but when you blog and share yourself with the internet, sometimes you need to draw a line, take a time out card, and stop before you join the dance once more.
Somewhere between our desire to grow, and our slothful pursuit of complacency, lies the grey area. This intangible place is oddly magical, the crucial decisions are made here and paths are chosen. I know we all walk in the same direction, onwards, yet it’s often a case of mustering a kernel of courage to believe we’re capable of moving in the direction we’re being pulled.
So – they say, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Perhaps I’ve been handed a lemon, in an unconventional form. Yes, perhaps, it doesn’t look as I imagined or planned – but I choose to believe that this lemon, one day, will bear sweet, sweet juice.